Coming to terms with ADHD is neither an easy nor happy process. Ironically, ADHD is a disorder that affects your executive functioning - which, according to HealthCentral.com, is the collective name for the cognitive abilities required to accomplish daily tasks as well as learning. So, because of my ADHD, I have a more difficult time learning to deal with it. Yay. And the more I learn, difficulty aside, the more aware I am of how there are certain traits I have that are actually ADHD gifts. Gifts that, frankly, I'd rather send back. But I have to learn to deal with said "gifts" - because no amount of medication or, simply, wanting to change them is actually going to work. So I am left completely aware of all of my horrible, unchangeable traits. And told I need to learn to just "live with them."
To bring back the analogy from my previous post, I may have been walking around in a dark basement, bumping into things, but at least I was blissfully unaware of the things I was bumping into to... Sometimes it's better not knowing.
Every now and again, people point out one of my crappy ADHD gifts, something I now realize I CANNOT change (but am, nonetheless, fully aware of it's suckage factor) and it really hurts. (And by people, I clearly mean my family and friends - because, let's be honest, strangers don't generally go around pointing out character flaws.) I grieve for the time when I really did think that, with enough perseverance, I could eventually change the things I didn't like about myself.
Because I can't. And it really does suck.
Stupid knowledge.
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